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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29816583">Fallacies and Certainties</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/silasfinch/pseuds/silasfinch'>silasfinch</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dix pour cent | Call My Agent! (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Canon Lesbian Character, F/F, Falling In Love, Gen, Headcanon, Personal Favorite, Personal Growth, Reunions, Useless Lesbians</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:22:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,427</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29816583</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/silasfinch/pseuds/silasfinch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Andréa Martel is avoidable and predictable chaos.<br/>A Tax and Talent Agent are a terrible idea.<br/>The cheap flamingo pool incident proves that.<br/>Colette Brancillon falls in love again anyway.<br/>S4: Andrea winning back her wife (24/3/21)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Colette Brancillon/Andréa Martel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/ecmichaels/gifts">ecmichaels</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I am obsessed with this show and couple in lockdown.<br/>It was my birthday yesterday this is the present to myself.<br/>If anybody reads tiny fandom, please be gentle I am dyslexic.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <em> "There are only patterns, patterns on top of patterns, patterns that affect other patterns. Patterns hidden by patterns. Patterns within patterns.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> If you watch close, history does nothing but repeat itself.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> What we call chaos is just patterns we haven't recognised. What we call random is just patterns we can't decipher. what we can't understand we call nonsense. What we can't read we call gibberish. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> There is no free will.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> There are no variables."  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Andréa Martel is avoidable and predictable chaos. </p><p> </p><p>Colette Brancillon is somebody who adores order and routine. Her earliest childhood memories involve creating sequences and systems for her toys; there was enough uncertainty in her home life that numbers become a refuge. Colette was a dream student largely because she found the routine of classes, homework and exams. Something is soothing about applying knowledge and nervous energy to a problem that will always have a predictable result. There is little doubt that her professional career will involve structuring analytics in some way. Colette didn't need the mandatory career days, but she went anyway. </p><p> </p><p>Tax and auditing work is far from Paris's most glamorous; people using give her a wide berth and non-official parties. However, that was never going to be a realistic lifestyle for her anyway. Colette knows that companies dread her interventions and reviews, but there are rules to follow, and you can't exempt just because of weather investors or charming staff. Colette hears about every excuse in the book and every possible charm offence to deflect her ultimate findings. Even though she is still comparatively young, her reputation is solid, and her bosses are happy with her work. </p><p> </p><p>Discovering that she is a lesbian is not a big deal or a problem in her daily life. Being an introverted gay woman in Paris's business districts is more of a sticking point for Colette. Colette is open about her desire to settle down and start a family. This fact is not an attractive opening gambit on the internet dating sites that her friends make her sign up. She doesn't have stamina's temperament for casual hook-ups or one night stands; a few embarrassing attempts prove that beyond any doubt. Andréa Martel and her blatant desires are the rules rather than the exception. To give Andrea her due, she doesn't pretend to be anything other than what she is, glamorous and everything orbits her universe. </p><p> </p><p>Andrea Martel well and truly broke her heart, as she promised to do from that first online chat when insults about 'little girls' were flying around. Colette's checks still burn at the memory, and she still can't log on to the dating site. </p><p> </p><p>It is not like she is completely without opportunity for a social life. Her friends always offer to set her up with lawyers, doctors or bankers; they all encourage her to get back to it.' Colette is done pretending that her heart wasn't broken by the failure with the glamorous woman on the top floor. Colette is determined to heal in her own way, with lots of running and few spreadsheets for fun. </p><p>****</p><p> </p><p>Andrea surprises her by repairing in her life at all. </p><p> </p><p>Their breakup was as brutal as it was efficient, if sad and emotional. Colette didn't trust this glamorous woman who treats seduction and boundaries like a personal challenge, not to break her heart. The tax agent tries to ignore the fact she sheds tears over Andrea Martel whether they are in a relationship or not. It isn't surprising to see her at the bar picking up a woman so casually. Running out of there like a broken-hearted teenager is not Colette's finest hour, but they shouldn't stand to watch the aftermath. The gay and lesbian community is large enough that they might manage to avoid enough with any luck. </p><p> </p><p>"Why are you telling me this? I don't understand?" Colette starts to jog in place as if she outrun the pain. </p><p> </p><p>"Come and have coffee with me, let me try and explain everything, please?" Andrea sounds as close to begging as anybody like her can. </p><p> </p><p>In all her vague scenarios about reunions with this woman, none of them involves her being sweaty after a more annoying run than challenging. One of the plus sides of being a lesbian is that your odds of walking into pregnant ex are significantly less. Colette still feels that jealousy and rage think that somebody like Andrea can accidentally fall into a situation like this when having children has been Collette's dearest dream for years. </p><p> </p><p>"I don't know...Andrea. We weren't very good at talking."</p><p> </p><p>Andrea looks so close to the verge of tears that Colette stops whatever she is about to say, not that it would make sense anyway. She never got leave a beautiful woman in distress. </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Andrea attracts her by being humble and kind. </p><p> </p><p>"For an agent to the stars, you are horrible at marketing yourself; why is that? If you were actively trying to prove that we were incompatible, the list couldn't be any longer." Collette muses she is more curious than angry. </p><p> </p><p>Collette is nervously twirling her pasta around her fork. They are having dinner at Andrea's apartment, their second in the week. Colette doesn't imagine that the talent agent's schedule has gotten any less hectic. Yet, her former lover seems ready and available to text or have a quick coffee or lunch. Their conversations are light and breezy, but the spectre of their previous relationship hangs in the air. </p><p> </p><p>"I seem to lose all my game around you, all my swerve sophistication, it took me years to build up after leaving my home town." Andrea complains before reaching for another fry. </p><p> </p><p>"I don't like your games, even when you were pretending to be a rock climber." Collette says quietly, struggling to keep her voice even.  </p><p> </p><p>Collette knows she isn't doing a particularly good job of selling herself either. Her friends are strident in their advice that she next to take command of the situation, be forceful and adamant about not giving an inch. The problem is that conflict in her personal life is something that the tax agent tries desperately to avoid, especially in the Parisian lesbian dating scene. It always takes her days to fill out those dating profiles because its hard to put a positive spin on being a shy numbers geek with little experience. </p><p> </p><p>"Do you want to know why I am so upfront on those dating profiles, about wanting to settle down, even people response the way you do?" Colette asks, her voice quiet and a little reflective. </p><p> </p><p>"Because you have more emotional maturity in your little pinkie than I will in a lifetime, a tax agent who likes things to exist within definite boundaries?" Andrea asks gently, trying to encourage a smile. </p><p> </p><p>"I can't have children of my own; endless tests and medical appointments couldn't make that reality any different from me; even if I were to try 100 times, there would be no 'miracle baby' beating of the odds for me. This fact is fitting, considering I spend my life rallying against anomalies, right?" Colette sounds brittle, and the smile doesn't reach her eyes. </p><p> </p><p>"Oh, Colette, come here."  </p><p> </p><p>In way it is a relief to start telling the whole story, Andrea is tactful enough not to make any comforting suggestions or try and make things better, there is no magic wand for the great agent to wave. Colette talks until her voice goes try and then she lies down with her head in Andrea’s lap, the story is emotionally draining and Colette feels herself start to fall asleep.</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Andrea charms her by opening up about the reality of the situation. </p><p> </p><p>"I will be a terrible mother, surely you above all, can agree to that? I can barely keep a relationship alive outside the people who receive salaries to be around me." Andrea reaches over and steals another chip. </p><p> </p><p>"I don't accept your premise on such weak evidence. You didn't put any real effect into being in a relationship with me once you had proven our sexual compatibility beyond any doubt; being a mother by default necessitates effort. You manage to keep a revolving door of actors alive and <em>ASK </em>afloat." Colette points out logically. </p><p> </p><p>Strangely Andrea reels as if the words have struck her; nothing is particularly new in the statement. Their relationship was on fire practically since that first night together and the litany of ex-girlfriends. Still, Andrea's eyes start to fill with tears, but she doesn't say a word in protest or try to spin a different narrative. She merely stares into her coffee cup for a long moment before gesturing to the waiter for the cheque. </p><p> </p><p>"Maybe it's the rush of pregnancy hormones or the stress of my new boss, but somehow my priorities are starting to shift. The endless parties with nameless actress start to feel hollow." Andrea muses quietly. </p><p> </p><p>"The poor little rich girl cliche, like Coco Chanel?" Colette tries to tease gently. </p><p> </p><p>"She did a lot more than wow the world with her wit, charm and beauty as did Audrey Hepburn, for that matter. " Andrea challenges something steely in her gaze. </p><p> </p><p>"I knew that, though I can say so for noble reasons, my crush on Audrey was borderline embarrassing; my parents knew where my inclinations lay long before I had the language to express desire." Colette confesses the blush was creeping up her checks. </p><p> </p><p>"Oh, that is adorable." </p><p> </p><p>"Don't you have an industry party or some premiere date to chase? Award session is a particular type of busy for <em>ASK,</em> Judging from the items on your expense sheets? Seeing you twice in three consecutive weeks is a rarity." Colette asks, trying to keep the accusation from her voice. </p><p> </p><p>"Am I wearing out my welcome?" Andrea asks cautiously before taking a snip on non-alcoholic wine. </p><p> </p><p>"No, but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop before my pride takes another bantering at any overgrown pool party with fake flamingos." Colette cannot help but shudder at the memory. </p><p> </p><p>"I like our party of two, soon to be three. Come, let's find an Audrey Hepburn marathon. All my expensive or free subscription service must be good for me something." Andrea struggles to find the remote. </p><p> </p><p>Colette wants to protest and get some clarity about the situation. Instead, she snuggles down into space beside Andrea. It feels comforting to rest her head on Andrea's shoulder, waiting for the movie to start. It takes a second to realise Andrea is stroking her hair and humming softly, either to Collette or the baby. </p><p>****</p><p> </p><p>Andrea frustrates her by ignoring both their history and her expanding belly. </p><p> </p><p>That's not entirely true; Andrea Martel is infinitely respectful and cautious when they spend time together, lunch, coffee and dinner. She is still charming, confident and intelligent but doesn't use these characteristics and tools for seduction. The conversation ranges from work to weather to their contrasting childhoods. The type of dates that Colette dreams about and never thought would be an option with this glamorous creature. However, these lovely interludes are not sustainable, not with the baby growing every day. Colette tries not to mark each week, but there is a colour coding in her diary. </p><p> </p><p>"Are you going to start getting the nursey ready?" Colette asks cautiously. </p><p> </p><p>"I am far too busy at work to consider remodelling. He/She is perfectly happy sitting on my bladder for now." Andrea dismisses. </p><p> </p><p>Somehow they end up going to buy Andrea new maternity clothes during the weekend. Naturally, the senior agent wants to look glamorous even when she can no longer fit her normal outfits. Colette intends to look for budget items, reasoning that babies are expensive. Her companion will not hear of it; they move from Paris high street to the exclusive stores. Collette feels nervous about the evening being there in her jeans. </p><p> </p><p>"Still, your gorgeous minimalist apartment isn't going to hold up to one week when the baby arrives. You can't drag this out like a contract negotiation; there are deadlines and expectations." Colette points out, smiling at a particularly cute outfit. </p><p> </p><p>"Does it bring up bad memories being here? with crowds of mothers to be?" Andrea asks, placing a gentle on her shoulder, her voice sounding tight. </p><p> </p><p>"Not any more, I like supporting you and watching things happen. There are different ways for me to still have my dreams." Collette leans into the touch affectionately. </p><p> </p><p>"Well, the baby owes you a debt for making me a better pregnant woman." Andrea confirms gratefully, hesitating to place a gentle kiss on her cheek. </p><p> </p><p>They still haven't built up to a genuine conversation about the state of their relationship, Andrea is the centre of Colette's social life, but that fact isn't saying much. The pregnant agent is making an effort to remember important things to her, even attending a few social gatherings. She doesn't appear to have one eye constantly on her phone or moving restlessly whenever it rings. </p><p> </p><p>Collette does not have the slightest desire for anyone else and is fiercely protective of both mother and daughter. At the same time, she doesn't dare to articulate that fact to any meaningful degree. For once, Colette doesn't want to disrupt the illusion with any painful truths. </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Andrea haunts her even when she promises to stay away and Collette space before jetting off to the Caines Film Festival. </p><p> </p><p>"Maman, do you think I am foolish?" Investing my heart in such a person? We couldn't be more different." Collette asks, pacing around the living room. </p><p> </p><p>"Yes, Darling, but you wouldn't be the first to make a risky gamble for love. It seems this time around, your talent agent recognised what she threw away, yes? You wouldn't be tangling yourself up in knots if it was the same pattern. But I can't make the risk assessment for you, I'll be here either way." her mother pulls her into a fierce hug. </p><p> </p><p>"That baby already has my heart. I don't have enough evidence to know that she won't break my heart again, complete with publicity and glitter," Colette whispers against her mother's shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>"The pain of knowing the truth for sure is more sustainable than putting your life on hold for this state of limbo. You are only going to love this woman and her baby more as the weeks pass. It's better to be honest with her now and see where things lay." her mother whispers soothingly. </p><p> </p><p>"I am not brave or brush. I hate those movies were people chase others down and pour their hearts."</p><p> </p><p>"You were always braver than you believe; besides, there is no law that says you can't talk to her quality and privately. There is no need to do anything public." her mother says confidently. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Collette feels more than a little childish, collapsing into her mother's arms again, confessing to being lovesick over the same woman who broke her heart last time. At the same time, her Maman is the strongest point in her life foundation; not confiding in her wasn't an option. The older Brancillon trusts her daughter implicitly in adulthood and doesn't offer her own opinions beyond a natural protectiveness. Their bond is unshakable, even though the many highs and lows of Colette's anxiety and unsettling teenage years. Her mother was with her for every fertility appointment and disappointment. </p><p> </p><p>"I'll talk to her when she gets back from the festival, presuming she hasn't run away with Juliet Binoche or something equally dramatic." Collette resolves with a sigh. </p><p> </p><p>"Your father and I will be here for you, either way, Darling Girl. You are a wonderful daughter, and we are both so proud of you and the life in Paris. Now go and get cleaned up; doing anything on an empty stomach isn't sensible." the advice turns particularly motherly. </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>"I want to take this journey with you." </p><p> </p><p>Colette Brancillon is not a brave person. She always prefers the saver option if given a choice; that's the main reason she walks away after the first romantic gesture outside <em>ASK </em>Headquarters. What Collette wants from life is a solid foundation. It was impossible to understand all those movies where people lay everything on the line, often in a public place. The thought of such a prospect usually makes Collette break out in a cold sweat, yet here she is, Andrea Martel's doorstep taking a massive risk. </p><p> </p><p>"What do you mean?" Andrea asks, her voice sounding bone tired. </p><p> </p><p>Her former lover looks nothing like the glamorous agent who counts Juliet Binoche as a confidante. She looks pale, tired and more than a little nauseous. Naturally, fair skin is looking sickly, and there are dark circles under the remnants of expensive makeup. Collette resists the urge to reach out and ask her if she is eating properly and when was the last time she got a full night sleep. </p><p> </p><p>"I love you, and as ridiculous as it sounds, I want to raise the baby you aren't so sure about, taking care of you and being here when you get home after a long night at work. Taking risks is something I hate, but missing this chance would haunt me for the risk of my life." Collette sucks in a frantic breath. </p><p> </p><p>Andrea stares at her as if frozen on the spot; Collette wonders if the Cains parties were particularly wild or Andrea was figuring out a way to let her down gently. Collette has terrible visions of Andrea swanning off with some charming director who speaks seven languages. For all, she knew the father might want to be in the picture with this latent bisexuality thing. Collette wills herself not start panicking and remember the first girl she ever asked out on a date. </p><p> </p><p>"Whatever nightmare scenario about me and models from Brazil you are thinking about, please stop. Come here and kiss me." Andrea, her voice sounding hoarse as if she smokes 20 packs a day. </p><p> </p><p>Collette rushes forward, feeling slightly unsteady on her feet. Andrea cradles her face and brings their lips together for a gentle, almost chaste kiss. It is impractical for a whole host of reasons for them to tumble into bed together for a wild night of passion. Andrea looks like a stiff breeze will knock her over, and her eyes are glittering with unshed tears and indefinable emotions. </p><p> </p><p>"This is by far the most surreal moment of my life, and I spent most of Saturday helping Juliet with a wardrobe and bladder malfunction. I genuinely did try routine business as usual, complete with a random woman from various sources." Andrea starts to chatter as if trying to fill up the silence.  </p><p> </p><p>Collette gently leans her companion towards the coach, moving around the still comforting space with confidence and ease. Andrea tumbles rather gracelessly down; Collette sits down and rearranges their limbs. There is always comfort in catching a hint of that expensive perfume or the sweep of Andrea's impressive and theatrical eyebrows. Her body is going under the profound change of pregnancy, shape and presence. Collette resists the urge to touch her stomach as if that is the final line to cross. </p><p> </p><p>"My favourite date of the last few was with Fabrice Luchini, a man in his 60s as we compare heartbreaks. We said on the balcony watching the streets. He was a little spellbound as I waxed lyrical about your every feature, from your hair to the exact colour of your eyes. It was a little mortifying but lovely." Andrea confesses tenderly, running a hand through the locks in question. </p><p> </p><p>"It's a little bit daunting to know that my attributes, physical or otherwise, were the subject of conversation between two such connoisseur of the topic." Collette says drily as she snugs closer. </p><p> </p><p>"I love you, and I want the chance to prove that there can be more than just dramatic gestures, breakups and makeups. The way I was doing things before, at least with relationships, wasn't sustainable for me or especially the baby. The little moments are just as important as the breath taking ones that feel like a rollercoaster; that's what you taught me." Andrea whispers, her voice now think with an impossible and improbable mix of emotion. </p><p> </p><p>"I think we can be strong enough for that together." </p><p> </p><p>Colette resists the urge to offer a romantic proposal or find a ring, they have enough time for both the little and big moments.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Courting My Wife</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <em>"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of the intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the beauty in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know that one life has breathed easier because you lived here. This is to have succeeded." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>― Ralph Waldo Emerson</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I am not going to be a talent agent anymore." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Andrea Martel feels more than a little ridiculous standing before her wife, holding out a piece of paper that doesn't mean anything in practice. Collette belongs to any number of professional bodies that certify her skills every year. Belong to the guild for talent agents is loose collective and excuse to party. However, Camille and her young agents find more value in it. As a grand romantic offering, it far from a movie scene. Still, Andrea dresses in her most comfortable and casual outfits because her wife likes the most relaxed look. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Andrea...the last thing I want." Colette begins her voice, trembling wearily. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"There are people that can do this life forever; I thought I was one of them, like Hicham and his inconsistent relationship with Elvis. Arlette, with her high profile love affairs, Mathias, the trailblazing workaholic. Part of me was preparing to be a good time parent with Flora, flying in between glamorous events. Do you want to know what this separation taught me?" Andrea asks, her voice catching at the word separation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"That plastic flamingos and bicurious parties girls can't compete with your daughter babbling incoherently over the baby monitor?" Colette asks, gently guiding the taller women insight her apartment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Maybe there is more of the small village girl in me than I like to admit behind the glamorous Martel, stage name. I don't want that life anymore, or least in the form it takes. In a decade from now, I don't want to face estrangement from my children or resemble Mathias, trying to recapture my youth with a series of affairs with progressively younger women. There is no reason for you to give me a second or a thirtieth chance as a couple, but I want you to know I will work to be a co-parent with you and the ladybird overseers." Andrea vows earnestly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"But you love being an agent; the Cannes Film Festival is particularly your reason for being each year. Even if <em>ASK </em>is no more, Juliette Bouniche and the others will follow you in a heartbeat." Colette points out she paces uncertainly around the room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Elise Formain was the model that a woman needed to take to remain a successful agent in these times. I have already messed things up so badly with you, for the sake of any actors fragile ego. The idea of losing the last of my dignity and pride was a too higher price for me. The <em>Ask </em>approach was dying long before Samuel and the bee." Andrea explains.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What will you do now? I know how expensive that fancy, not sensible apartment you love is, there is no way you can afford it on a starting sallery..." Colette instinctively starts to run the numbers in her head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Don't worry about that; my investments and portfolios are relatively conservative and robust, thanks to your number crunching. Most of those ridiculous and over the top parties were free or near free. I have plenty of ideas, but it will take a month or two to figure things out. My main focus is building a bond with our daughter." Andrea says her eyes are lighting up with joy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>Prime Numbers </span>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A number greater than 1 is not the result of combining two smaller numbers. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Colette knew their relationship was in trouble long before she slept with Eva and guaranteed a fight. She got into the habit of keeping a spiteful tally of all the mistakes Andrea made or dinners she missed. Such an approach isn't healthy. The tax agent didn't honestly realise what was happening until Andrea enter a different type of dynamic where they are both trying to make things work. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Go to the conference; I know how much you are enjoying learning new numbers theory. Flora and I will have a true girls weekend, I'll take her down to see my parents." Andrea suggests bringing over a teacup. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Are you sure? I know that spending time with your parents is still something that happens in small dosages. The town medal is still sitting on their kitchen table." Colette points out, while looking at the conference website. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"All the more reason to give them a granddaughter to coo over for a while. It's still a thrill that their Parisian executive daughter did something as normal and understandable as having a child. I like seeing how happy it makes my Maman, and chatting with Papa about politics isn't nearly as contentious as before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Colette freely admits to herself and her expensive but worthwhile therapist that she is insecure and anxious by nature. While Andrea is working hard to prove her worth, there is still plenty of damage to undo before they think about dating in earnest. Colette is still half expecting a bicurious starlet to wander out of her wife's room when she comes over to pick up Flora. This new phase is somewhere between lovely and surreal, but Colette cannot help but wait for the dream to end. Her friends are right when they say that Andrea has a reputation on the scene. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Okay, but I can't promise that I wouldn't come back with a prime number mobile for Flora. Some of the sponsors have babies merchandise." Colette confesses with a playful smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Go for your life, but I reserve the right to balance her life with a few more non-math toys and human looking rabbits." Andrea declares before giving her shoulder an affectionate squeeze.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Text me every day; your mother has questionable taste in wool and yarn, not the butterfly theming isn't lovely." Andrea insists hastily, realising how that sounds. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I promise you can have quality control over how much we bring home, but I can't make any promises about matching jumpers." Colette laughs at Andrea's theatrical horror. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Colette fights to contain a smile when she hits bottom to register. It is lovely to have somebody backing her up in these decisions. Andrea, the glamorous model, is letting geek out at a numbers convention. She is in danger of falling in love again or losing any of the ground her therapist carefully curates. However, right now, these wonderful co-parenting moments are worth any potential costs. </span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>***</span>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>Standard Deviation </span>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>In statistics, the standard deviation is a measure of the amount of variation or dispersion of a set of values.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"</span>
  </em>
  <span>I wasn't telling the truth about Eva; we didn't sleep together. I went there was every intention of doing so, but it didn't end up happening, except in the term's strictest sense." Colette confesses in a whisper.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You don't need to explain; I understand why you needed to seek comfort. Eva and I even had a mature conversation about it, more or less." Andrea keeps her attention on the clock. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Andrea tenses, but she remains silent and continues to bounce Flora on her knee. They are waiting for the paediatricians' office, checking up on their daughter's ears. Colette still feels a thrill of openly being a lesbian with a child, just like her girlhood dreams. Her parents are Christian but socially liberal, and she has a grounding in the importance of family, even if hers were always going to look a little different. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I went over there in full seduction mode but ended up bursting into tears long before anything happened. Poor Eva was questioning every life decision that brought her to this point. We lay in bed eating chocolate and plotting revenge. I didn't have any of your game." Colette confesses sheepishly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It's a mark of how I love you that I would prefer you to have a wild, fun night than hiding away in pain, knowing that I am the cause? The tiny non selfish part of me wanted you to be living it up on the dating sites." Andrea whispers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I think you more than most would understand my lack of success in that area." Colette jokes with a flush. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Still, it's been playing on my mind for weeks, and I wanted you to know that I was being an emotional wreck and spoiling for a reaction. Eva and I were never going to have a grand affair." Colette insists, pausing to give her full attention. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"My original point still stands; I was treating you and Flora carelessly, catering to everybody else's needs and ignoring any requests. Something has to give, better that than you falling in love with a wonderful lawyer who works for a child advocacy service or something." Andrea jokes softly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Is that what you were doing in your light conversations with famous actors, imagining my hypothetical perfect girlfriend and her potential career prospects?" Colette teases, nudging her shoulder softly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Mainly, everyone told me I was crazy to mess up such a good thing, including Eva, who was far more polite than I deserve, by the way." Andrea reiterates drily. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I am glad you didn't feel the need to replicate the theatrics of 'hyena ex-girlfriend.' Tax agents tend to more conservative than the talent crowd as a general rule, although it would give us something to talk about at the yearly conference." Colette muses, quirking her eyebrow at the notions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It's even more amazing that the woman who broke her heart more than once is taking steps to reconcile genuinely, including doing the difficult and boring bits of being a parent. In the last few weeks, Andrea does most nights while Colette pulls extra shifts in tax season. Still, Colette knows that she needs to start from a position of honesty herself. Including that terrible argument on the night she left. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Flora Brancillon- Martel?" the nurse asks, her voice light and cheerful. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Colette feels her heart swell hearing their daughter's full name. The hours going back and forward with Hicham and his place in their lives is still haunting. Having a legal tie to this wonderful child gives her a bone-deep peace. Whatever happens with her wife, nobody can alter her role as a mother, one of her greatest dreams. Andrea smiles at her as thee walk into the office together. It doesn't even feel strange to reach out and hold her hand. The paediatrician will enjoy the peace in the little family unit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>Confidence Interval. </span>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A confidence interval is a type of estimate computed from the statistics of the observed data. This gives a range of values for an unknown parameter</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Colette is still struggling to adjust to this new version of her wife. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For the entirety of their relationship and certainly marriage, she is always in competition with Andrea's work phone, to the point where she starts to dread that ringtone. Her best friends are barely speaking to her because she disappears on them to become a mother and defacto nanny to a woman who 'doesn't treat her right.' This new version of Andrea is unique and intriguing at the same time. Sometimes she wants to push the boundaries a little to see where this new relationship dynamic ends or begins. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Would you be free tonight?" Colette asks as she folds away the endless pile of Flora's clothing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I should be, Camile is freaking out about her latest protegee, but she is mainly keeping the hysterics to civilised hours. What do you need?" Andrea asks easily as she bounces Flora on her knee. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Come to dinner with Jacques and his wife. I think you frightened Jac by ambushing him with the baby. It'll help our working relationship if he wasn't asking home I am every other day. Besides, they are both amazing cooks, and we will get a decent feed out of the evening." Colette offers with a sheepish smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Ah, not my finest hour. Would that be giving mixed messages if we show up together?" Andrea asks, her voice curious yet hopeful. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"No, I think we are giving Jac just the right message, two people working together to raise a beautiful daughter." Colette points out with an affectionate smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Sounds wonderful; tell me that his wife is not in a related field, so at least we can talk about current events or celebrity gossip. I am fine with being your pretty trophy wife, but I should contribute something since entering our forties." Andrea bates her eyelashes theatrically. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You are glamorous enough to be a trophy wife, but I think there are requirements about lacking personal opinions or politics while gazing adoringly at dinner parties." Colette quips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"The first two might be impossible, but the first is easy and something as natural as breathing." Andrea says sweetly, her voice oddly serious. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Mary, Jac's wife, adores politics and any excuse to talk about the government and its various failings. I think the two of you will get on well, especially if you don't do any more ambushing." Colette advises with a teasing smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Excellent, as long you two keep the four-dimensional chess to a minimum this time?" Andrea instructs mock seriously. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You make a chess joke <em>one </em>time.." Colette sighs dramatically. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Colette shoves her shoulder but chuckles lightly. Andrea lights to exaggerate the differences in their interest and intelligence. Her wife is a witty conversationalist in several different languages and has an amazing grasp of world events. One of Andrea's former work's most frustrating things schedules us that they were always interrupting some great conversation. The part of Colette that will always be a shy geek will take pride in the gorgeous and charming woman who is on her arm. Andrea makes the most difficult social situations easier and more enjoyable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>Calculation Errors. </span>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A mistake in the data or number sequences</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What the hell are you doing, Sweetheart? You know that you and Andrea can't stay in this pattern forever. It's not fair on you all, the little one." her father asks testily. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Andrea Martel will always be a part of my life, Papa. She is your granddaughter’s other parent. Flora loves having her as more a permanent presence; she looks at Andrea like she hung the moon." Colette keeps her voice calm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I wonder where she gets that tendency from, Col?" her father says with a raised eyebrow and a quick smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Colette barely resists the urge to snap defensively and protect the strange state of her marriage. Andrea is the perfect gentlewomen and works hard to do exactly what she promises, being an active co-parent with Flora and learning how to connect as a family. Flora is loving having both her parents around. Andrea doesn't push for their new relationship to become sexual or physical. All their activities revolve around child-friendly activities. Still, her parents pick up the pieces when Colette fell apart after leaving Andrea for the first time with the baby. She cannot blame her parents for worrying and doubting such life choices. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I know you are trying to protect me, Papa and I will always value your support. Andrea and I are in a strange place right now, but so are a lot of families. Flora is the centre of both our words and will stay that way while we build everything else." Colette repeats the same argument trying to keep everything on track. Their daughter, the tax agent, is known for making sound and practical decisions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>'Well, she is an excellent focus, Darling. Your mother and I will be here for you both, whatever you need." her dad kisses Flora on the forehead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I know that Dad and I are grateful for your acceptance every day. I know that having a lesbian daughter with non-biological offspring wasn't part of your ideal." Colette says as she picks up her daughter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Not loving and accepting you was never an option, and I don't give if that is a double negative. How can I be a faithful Christian and reject my child based on the social norms at the time?" her father insists resolutely. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Dad, you know that your response is still largely in the minority, especially as I live 'openly'." Colette points deliberate air quotes around the term. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Well, your mother and I will take this on, lives work in our retirement." there is a smile in his voice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I love you, Papa." Colette leans down to hug and his him once again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her parents took time to adjust to her orientation, but they were unwavering in their support. It took them several resources and meetings with their priest to reconcile their faith. Colette is grateful that her Dad keeps these issues private and even when it a few alliance meetings. Colette is not a practising Christian anymore, but she still carries respect for the sense of community. Flora will be accepting any particular religion unless she finds it when she is older. Andrea still dutifully attends services with Colette's family on the holidays. </span>
</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <span>Absolute Value </span>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span> In practice, "absolute value" means to remove any negative sign in front of a number and to think of all numbers as positive.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"</span>
  </em>
  <span>Can I run an idea by you?" Andrea asks, her voice sounding both excited and nervous. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Of course, just let me put her down and we can share the wine and cheese." Colette offers as she settles their daughter into her crib. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Let me know if she demands a second or third story. I'll do animal voices." Andrea calls with a smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Colette has been expecting this conversation for a while now. Andrea is true to her word. She is financially stable and secure; much of her <em>ASK </em>salary goes into savings or Flora's fund. Much of her glamorous lifestyle is free or a requirement of the job. She spends her time mentoring Camile or making amends at Flora's day-care. Colette cannot and doesn't call their meals or movie sessions 'dates.'. Her friends are still wary, but they are willing to make a few group dinners. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What do you think about the idea of me writing a book of talent agents. One that talks about the experience of being an agent, the wonderful, the weird and everything in between, Mathias says that several publishing houses are shopping around the idea. There would be more secure than the average aspiring novel. It could be a side project while figuring my next career move?" Andrea asks, her voice trembling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"That's an interesting idea, but what is your competition? Is there a guaranteed advance? is there a danger that Elise Formain suing you for libel?" Colette instinctively starts thinking in practical and cautious terms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"There is no guarantee for new writers, but I have the right contacts and experiences. Confidentiality will be a nightmarish sticking point, but industry memoirs are all the rage now; there are ways." Andrea gestures to her bookshelf, which contains several. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Andrea begins explaining the various options; she is careful not to give Colette the brush off, which is marriage conflict. There is no assumption that Colette will go along with the plan or take over most of the childcare. Andrea is firm in keeping up her domestic commitments; she checks their joint calendar religiously and is available if Colette needs to spend extra hours at the office. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"My favourite part of the idea is that I will be home with our girl, most of the time." Andrea leans down to tickle their daughter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They exist in this strange, between space. Her Dad isn't entirely wrong in his concerns; they can't live in a bubble alone. Andrea Martel is the least likely person on the planet to live as a housewife long term, even if it seems wonderful. It would break Colette's heart if Andrea tries to date anyone else, but Colette still doesn't dare to ask for more. They are still dancing around each other in faulty orbits, but they are slowly moving closer together. All Colette wants is to know that the future is looking brighter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>****</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What is this, Andrea?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>March 1st 2021 </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Colette gentle opens the envelope glancing at the small card curiously. The only words on the paper is a date. She and Andrea are having something close to an official date at a fancy restaurant while her parents look after Flora. Andrea is charming, courteous and, opens doors for her and listens while Colette talks about her workday, complete with the puns about numbers and her boss's UST with his protegee. One thing that surprised Colette is Andrea becomes genuinely invested in her friends' life and is quite happy being her plus one at conferences. Colette feels both nervous and eager. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Well, I don't have your ability with numbers. This date is when Flora will be roughly five years old, just starting the first-year-old primary school. I wondered if you would be willing to marry me on that day, with our daughter as the flower girl? I know we haven't filed the separation papers officially, but I still had everything to prove, to you, our parents and most all myself. If we make it to where it can be renewal service, if not we can try again." Andrea trails off, her eyes brimming with unshed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh Andrea that sounds....I don't know what to say." Colette clutches the card to her chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It would be the easiest thing in the world to call on my old contacts and plan elaborate vow ceremony tomorrow, with stars and starlight. However, that isn't what I need to give you; you need my time to church with your parents, double dates with your friends from work, and listen to conference presentations. In short being your house wife and real partnera to you for awhile." Andrea's voice cracks over the last few words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Sweetheart..." Colette begins reaching out to grab her hand, lacing their fingers together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I thought that we could look into adopting a brother or sister for Flora; there is a space in that present for another photo. You are such a natural mother, and I am growing to be a better one under your guidance. I'll take the longer paternity leave next time." Andrea starts to ramble incoherently. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yes, I'll marry you with Flora as our flower girl; I want to have more children with you, in whatever form they come to us. You are my wife, and I intend to remain as such. For the next 30 years or so, if that is okay with you? Colette leans over and kisses Andrea soundly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Don't you mean 31 or 37 years, seeing as they are prime numbers and all. I do listen when you ramble about your favourite numbers." Andrea says, affectionate as she brushes Colette's hair back.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the table, there is a small box that is too long to be another ring box. Besides, Colette feels an attachment to the beautiful wedding band Andrea selects the first time. Colette's hands tremble as she opens up the delicate catch; Andrea looks equally apprehensive. A beautiful silver locket glints in the light; instead, the small pendant sees Andrea and Flora's photo, both beaming into the camera. True to her word, there is an extra slot on the opposite side for another family keepsake. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Stay over with me tonight?" Colette whispers once she secures the locket. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It's Flora with your parents for the weekend, so you can catch up?" Andrea asks, eyebrows scrunching together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yes, come over still." Colette says with a meaningful look. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It doesn't take long for her brilliant wife to make the connection. Andrea's hands are trembling as she puts on her fancy designer coat, and Colette ideally wonders if those heels were a mistake. They opt to walk home, taking the long route beside the parks and light show. Colette feels herself heat with a familiar surge of desire. However, there is nothing frantic about the feeling; they are moving in the same direction. </span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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